I know that posting outraged screeds on the innerwebz is the last refuge of the dregs of humanity, but god damn it, this latest season of Doctor Who is forcing my hand!

Don’t mean to spoiler anyone, but got damn it, I just watched an episode where they defeat Cybermen with love. I’m not kidding. They try to make a joke out of it, but THEY KILL CYBERMEN WITH LOVE! You know, the 5th Element. Grade: F. Dialog was pretty good, which is the only reason it didn’t get F-.

In order to get this steaming pile out of my mind, I immediately threw on the end of The Time Meddler. I’ve been making my way through the first Doctor. Hartnell, should he had materialized in the present day, would have bopped Moffat on the head with his walking stick for this episode. And clucked disapprovingly, hmmmmm?! And then killed the Cybermen with a glitter gun. As is proper.

An irregular review series of choice Hawaii 5-0 episodes

“Air Cargo – Dial for Murder”
Essential-meter: 7.5/10

Shipping containers have never been so deadly. Crooked import agents (is there any other kind?), divert valuables, but in a twist, ANOTHER import/export guy has a sick wife. A valuable shipment of the very famous drug Glucogone goes missing, and wife dies. The Dead Wife Guy knows something is up, and gets 5-0 on the scene. But upon learning that they intend to use the law and justice to rectify the matter, DWG decides to go vigilante with a shipment of dynamite.

Awesome Moments:

• James Hong makes anything better. I clapped when he came on scene as a doomed, weasel-y import/export partner. He looks like he might have had a pants accident when he learns that McGarrett might be on their trail.
• Very Important Speech – McGarrett has no pity for the woman with the junkie daughter, who was paid to “lose” shipments. She tries to squirm her way out of the truth, but his hardline ‘NO DEALS!!” stance always breaks perps down.
• McGarrett runs (!!), and hurls (!!) a bomb into the ocean in the nick of time. Because risking his life for vermin is the least an honest cop can do.
• McGarrett uses mad phreaking skills to decode the hood’s technological web of crime. Even Che is impressed!

I totally held back on reporting my devastatingly disappointing lunch at a Portland landmark today, AND yesterday I totally didn’t post disparaging remarks about a local band’s choice in band photo. See, we’re not all doomed! Change is possible!

Okay, one day into my new bus pass, and I’m already completely regretting it.

I have a deep rooted distain for humanity. This is my problem. I freely admit it. One of my mandates is to try and shore up this bad attitude. For years, I’ve worked at looking at the bright side, polishing the more noble traits of humanity so I won’t die a crotchety misanthrope.

But all it takes is one fat bitch taking up two seats on a full bus DOING HER NAILS to pitch these years neatly in the nearest dustbin.

Addendum: sorry to be so cranky as of late. The sun hasn’t appeared in the Northwest since last November. I’ll post some 5-0 soon. Jack Lord always brings a little bit of fascist sun with him wherever he goes.

So this is the first year since it’s inception that I haven’t attended the Stumptown Comic Con.

It’s always a struggle to talk myself into going. This year I lost.

One one hand, it’s simply the place to be. There are very few places that creative types can interact directly with their audience. There is potential. The right executive from the right animation house might stop by. You might sell a ton of books. You might make a fan’s day. One of your heroes might stop by and know your work. All of these have happened to me, and more.

On the other hand…

People don’t buy physical items anymore. It’s simply sad that a creator can’t even make the pathetic amount to cover their table fee. The underground scene has homogenized, leaving me feel even more alone and like a freak. Creators cluster together, sharing their experiences in beige, twee packages. I don’t do comics anymore, now that my brother burned out. I don’t know if I have the wherewithal to put out the book of short stories that I wrote. Or the novel. The deafening sound of silence and indifference that accompanies publication might be too much for this old writer to put up with anymore.

To temper my bitterness, please understand the context. I mean, I went to SDCC for 20 years in a row.

What does it all mean? I won’t’ be at Stumptown Comic Con this year. Maybe next year. But please support the many creators who do exhibit such as grizzled veteran David Walker, or Michael Russell. Help them earn table money. And if it’s not too much to ask, maybe even enough that they can spring for lunch.

An irregular review series of choice Hawaii 5-0 episodes

Season 4, Episode 6: …And I Want Some Candy, and a Gun that Shoots
Essential-meter: 6/10 *REVISED!! 8/10

Cop killer.

The mere thought of the act should make McGarrett grind his teeth like a grist mill turning wheat to powder. But he’s surprisingly calm in this rote Watchtower Shooting scenario. The plot is bare, bare bones… crazy white guy buys a gun, holes up in an WWII pillbox, and starts shooting cops. Which attracts more cops. For shooting. Mom is no help… she laughs in McGarrett’s dumb face when he implores her to talk him down. That couldn’t be HER son, after all.

This is another essential entry where the ending makes the boring show worth it. Most of the episode is burned up in hyperbole, and Dano flying around in a helicopter. The Cowboy episode had too much Helicopter Dano as well. But the ending, oh the ending…

Spoiler!: When Dano finally takes out Lee Harvey Oswald, McGarrett rushes into the bunker only to find the killer has spelled “MOM” inside a heart with his spent casings. In case you’re too dumb to figure out who’s to blame for this mess, the show literally spells it out for you.

Awesome Moments:

• The primitive “Body Armor” the force dons… it looks like something a crazy guy would invent to protect from bears.
• Very Important Speech – McGarrett lays into a psychologist, and the state of the mental health industry as a whole for letting this guy go nuts. The professor only has lame excuses like budgetary limitations to defend himself.
• “Mom” is a grade A bitch.
• Pretty sure the reason McGarrett doesn’t go completely apeshit bananas is that the villain is mentally ill and thus weak in the eyes of justice. McGarrett is a champion of the weak, and only has the psychologist to yell at.

NOTE: Revisited Score!  In the months after viewing this episode, I’ve explained it to so many people, that I now realized that I was harsh in my original grading. This is a vital entry into the authoritarian fantasy that is Hawaii 5-0.

Covert black ops tried to keep me silent. But they didn’t count on one fact: I’m far too stupid to quit!

Also, guy who jacked my old pick of Frankenstein in the header… I know. I know all about it.