I like music. I have a band. I’m gonna tell you all about it. 

 What I look for in rock: guitars, melody, guitars, energy, guitars, and guitars.

Jack White has a new album out that critics are predictably swooning about. It’s about as inspired as you’d think from a superstar well along in his career.

He’s certainly not writing lyrics like: “The moon in the sky kicks the ass of the stars. They all fade, they all fade, so it goes.”

Which is my way of saying… why don’t more people know M.O.T.O.? This is the age of the Internet!

Pedigree? Established as contemporaries of Guided by Voices, and Flaming Lips (so, circa 1983 or so) and they’ve been active most of that time. Released a ridiculous number of albums that mere mortals cannot buy. Why? They were released in obscenely small quantities. Some only exist in cassette tape form. The only sane way you can buy M.O.T.O. music is by buying mp3 albums from CD Baby. They’re not even on iTunes! And they are obsessed with anthemic power punk with sing along choruses such as “Flipping you off with every finger on my hand”.

I’ll admit. I’m not a fan who’s been following them for years. I’m not nearly that cool. They played a local gig (which I couldn’t attend), Rich knew a bit of their backstory, and we checked out their tunes on Myspace. Talk about opening a Pandora’s Box. There was even a local cover band devoted to them. Internet, why don’t you know about M.O.T.O.?

For the record, the two albums I procured were Raw Power, and Kill MOTO. And for a rock band to name their album after a very, very, very famous Iggy and the Stooges album? Brass balls.

Oh, and for the record, it’s short for Masters Of The Obvious. Ironic, eh?

Check ’em out!!

I like music. I have a band. I’m gonna tell you all about it. 

 What I look for in rock: guitars, melody, guitars, energy, guitars, and guitars.

This is a pretty goddamn fantastic album. And to think I didn’t want to write about Strawberry!

First of all, it came out in 2009. Old news! Secondly, I learned about it from a shameful source. A local paper. One that 99 percent of the time only reviews bands that have friends in them. You know… THAT local type of paper. Luckily we have two local papers. I’m sure one is good and angelic. That’s how the universe works. Yin/Yang. There couldn’t be TWO horrible local rags, could there?

Anyway, Wussy appears to have been formed in the wake of the Ass Ponies, a band that I only know from the prestigious amount of used CDs I used to see in the cut out bins. I listened to some on the innerweb, and it appears to me they were one of the many bands snatched up by Big Music, only to have their talent pissed away in the search for the next Crazy Town.

But this review isn’t about any of that stuff, cuz I don’t know it. Wussy is one of the few bands that have two strong vocalists covering the male and female spectrum of gender. Americana tinged indie rock lovingly sculpted around thin metaphors for dreams and love. Rich thinks they sound like Uncle Tupelo. I would never be that reductive. Never!

And they’re from Ohio. What is it about those Ohio bands that I can’t shake?

Check ’em out!!

I like music. I have a band. I’m gonna tell you all about it. 

 What I look for in rock: guitars, melody, guitars, energy, guitars, and guitars.

Most of this column is born on the bus. That’s where I listen to music very loud. It creates a Fantasy Island of sonic bliss, a bubble where I can ignore the schizophrenic woman sitting next to me, manically picking at her scars. And as I stare out of the window, away from the tragic microcosm of humanity, I ponder.

Today I pondered The Men.

Note to bands!! This is the era of the Internet! People WILL google your name. Pick one that stands out in search results! PSA over.

These guys probably have received a bit more exposure than many of the bands I’ve reviewed so far, but I’m gong to talk about them anyway. Open Your Heart* came out earlier this year, a loud sonic boom in a sea of same-y releases by contemporary bands, with their quiet, twee strummings. I am going to use direct comparisons for this band, because they’re warranted! The title track sounds like Grant Hart wrote it for Flip Your Wig. Ex-Dreams sounds like Goo-era Sonic Youth. None of this is bad. What it does is make me look forward for their next album when they shake off their youthful exuberance, and sit down to find their own voice. That’s make or break time. And if they end up in the ‘make’ category, everyone wins.

Aside from that slight criticism that sounds way more damning than it should, Open Your Heart has stayed on my iPhone since I bought it. I’ve given it a good workout. Solid album, says I.

You should check them out!!

*PSA stands for album titles as well!

I like music. I have a band. I’m gonna tell you all about it. 

 What I look for in rock: guitars, melody, guitars, energy, guitars, and guitars.

As you may have guessed from all this typed nonsense, I see it as part of my mission in life to evangelize bands. For example, I introduced The Ready Stance to my friend Art. He thanked me, and loved how much they reminded him of the Counting Crows.

This caused me to be conflicted. On one hand, I was successful in my mission. On the other hand, the mere suggestion that I might like a band similar to the Counting Crows made me want to:

• Take a class in gun safety
• Apply for a criminal background check with a reputable gun dealer
• Buy a shotgun
• Drive out to an abandoned quarry
• Set up the album upright against some stones
• Blow the vinyl into the smallest pieces possible, using as many shotgun shells as it takes

When I related this to Art, he mentioned that he could also compare them to The dB’s.

I liked that much better.

Check ’em out!!

I like music. I have a band. I’m gonna tell you all about it. 

 What I look for in rock: guitars, melody, guitars, energy, guitars, and guitars.

Where were you this weekend?

If you were cool, you would have been at Centaurpallooza.

What is this particular Palooza? A mostly punk and rock one filled with bands you won’t find well documented, or documented at all, on radio, music publications, or even online. This is the front lines, folks. This is music at it’s most local, and most honest.

I attended all 3 days of the show. I watched 18 bands. And, that’s right, I’m going to write about ’em!

Note: I’m not here to pass critic judgement on anyone. Not all of these bands were for me, but some very much were. I applaud all of them of playing the show, and for Centaur Guitar for giving them a venue. I didn’t see any shitty bands. And trust me, I know shitty bands. I’ve seen many, many of them.

Note 2: Sorry if I missed your band. I am but a man, one with a bum ankle at that.

Friday

• Erik Anarchy: If Andy Kaufman had a band, and wasn’t a comedian, he may have been Eric. Fascinating. He played what may have been the best, or worst, cover of Paranoid I’ve ever heard. It’s impossible to tell.
• Burn Champion: So nice to hear some good, old fashioned, metal edged, Northwest hard rock.
• Isolated Cases: A descendant from the Pere Ubu branch of the Punk Family tree. I don’t feel that they got a good shot, because the guitarist’s amp died, and he played through an old Peavy PA head which made it sound like mush.
• The Hot LZs: The lead singer looks like a mix between my friend Tom and Ray Davis. This has nothing to to with their dirty, garage rockness. Digressions make me happy. As did the LZs.

Saturday

• Skate Drunks – A band that reformed after 20 years. Know what makes this different from the 3 million bands that are getting back together to cash in on their “classic album”? These guys wanted to do this because it was a blast. Skate punk is evergreen.
• The Ransom – driving, pissed, low end hard rock. I’d say that they kinda remind me of a non-shitty Rage Against the Machine, but that’s an impossible proposition. Later learned that one member was from Poison Idea, which makes total pissed off sense.
• Iron Lords – big, straight ahead rock with strong female Vox. If you took the classic rock band Heart and hit them with a Growth Ray, then you kinda get the idea. IEh-neeek-chock!
• Gimmie an X – Descended from the X branch of the family tree. I’m not familiar with X, so this may very well be a cover band. Yeah this has got to be one. Well, that makes for an easy review.

Side note: Good to see so many women representing at the fest. The young boys network you see dominating band photos wearing matching tight jeans, western button up shirts, and sensitive beards is boring.

• 48 Thrills – Tight, anthemic power punk. The band was taking slugs of champaign on stage, straight from the bottle. I can’t think of a better metaphor for their triumphant riffage.

Stray observation: classic mohawk punks sure overheat easily.

• Eastside Speed Machine – There are all sorts of kinds of rock. In this bands context, it’s classic Tejano blues based. A little surf, a little boogie, a little Elvis, and a little punk. God, it took me forever to describe psychobilly, but there you go.
• Pitchfork Motorway – high energy garage-y punk. Exceptional yelling about speeding down the highway to hell that Brian Johnson was on about.
• Minty Rosa – Pulled the short straw and had to suffer the drunk asshole invading their stage. There’s always one. Don’t be this guy. Just don’t. Of course, it didn’t stop their all out assault of short, sonic punches. Their not so secret weapon is their strong female singer. Splintered, loud pop songs. I dig.
• Pity Fucks – Dirty punk with maybe some glam tendencies? I like what the garage-y keyboards are bringing to the party.

Sunday

• L.R.S.D. – The Last Regimen of Syncopated Drummers. A punk rock drum corps. How can that not be awesome?
• 6:37 – Today kicks off with some jangle. I always appreciate jangle. Pop songs in the early 80’s underground vein. Talking heads-y, Feelies-y. They just worked “concubines” into a verse for bonus points!
• Pale Blue Sky –  Melodic rock with a Neil young drawl. Like when he’s turned all the way up with Crazy Horse. Big open chords and big swirling rock songs. Very much my thing. Don’t believe they like Young? They closed with a cover of Mr. Soul.
• The Cool Whips – Kool Kat blues rock. Music you can snap your fingers to in a dark nightclub. The first truly mellow band of the fest. Not a bad thing.
• The Evil Egg – The first band with props. Wicked, theatrical, morality plays. Reminds me of the strange antisocial PDX rock of my youth. Transgressive via weird. They could have been on Amphetamine Reptile.
• The Brother Egg – Two egg bands back to back! Not nearly as evil, Pop songs interpreted through a discordant stomp.
• Avenue Victor Hugo – creative percussion lays down a bit scarcer, artier groove. Thinking man’s rock, one might call it. Lots of distortion and chimes!

An irregular review series of choice Hawaii 5-0 episodes

Season 4, Episode 4: 3000 Crooked Miles to Honolulu
Essential-meter:  6/10

Ever since Master Blaster exploded onto the Thunderdome scene, people have suspected that Brains and Brawn always work the best together. That’s the plan The Syndicate cooks up to pass off stolen traveler’s checks in Honolulu. They tie a college professor (Uncle Jeb) and a goon (Tiny Eyes, Giant Jaw) together for the perfect traveler’s check themed heist. The plan works too well. Actually, it doesn’t. The goon kills lots of innocent bystanders, leaving a convenient trail of crime M&Ms to follow.

I spent the whole episode trying to understand what the big, brain genius plan was. Boiled down to intercepting the mail. Perhaps the simplicity was the genius part?

Awesome Moment:
*This is the pilot speaking… no it’s not, it’s McGarrett, and I’ve just arrested an entire plane filled with felons!

An Irregular review series of choice Hawaii 5-0 episodes

Season 4, Episode 3: Wednesday, Ladies Free
Essential-meter: 4/10

Very ho hum serial killer episode that I only mention to make this point:

Steve McGarrett is Jack Lord’s idea of a crime fighting superhero. Every aspect of the show is designed to make him look better. Much like Perry Mason, he always wins, even when he loses.

This episode has a twist ending. So how does Steve really shine? He figures out that the Private Eye helping him killed his wife and used a serial killer’s MO to cover his tracks.

What’s interesting about this? McGarrett uses information THAT HE DOESN’T SHARE WITH THE AUDIENCE to figure this out. So he tries to make himself look like a genius for figuring out something the audience wasn’t given enough facts to figure out themselves. Which makes it kind of a lame “twist”.

But also what makes Hawaii 5-0 kinda genius.